


close enough to lose.

by alphonseelrics



Category: Cobra Starship, The Maine (Band)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, sad dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6612529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphonseelrics/pseuds/alphonseelrics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>gabe was in love- always had been. john couldn't love- never had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	close enough to lose.

**Author's Note:**

> i cried while writing this goodbye!

that night came as no surprise in all honesty. both of them saw it coming- it's just that neither of them really wanted to admit it.

  
just a few minutes ago their bodies had been pressed flush to one another, breaths heavy and hands wandering under the sheets. sex between them was always right on the border of fucking and making love. in their minds, it was absolutely perfect. the sex was never the issue- never had been.

  
john warned gabe when they started whatever this is to not get attached. never get attached. gabe told him not to worry, he wouldn't. he swore to himself he wouldn't. spent full nights staring at the ceiling repeating to himself he wouldn't. _he wouldn't._

  
sometimes he didn't pay attention when john spoke. he just stared at the other with a lopsided grin, paying attention to every little detail. the way his head moved in a way when he got excited. how he was always doing something with his hands. the creases at the corners of his mouth formed from a lifetime's worth of smiles. he wouldn't ever admit to himself that he was in love with john. but holy fucking shit was he in love.

  
here they are months later, sitting on the edge of gabe's messy bed in a state of silence that can only be described as uncomfortable. they're both staring at the ground with heavy gazes and an empty heart beat. gabe hears john gulp and he turns his head to look over at him.

  
"what are we doing?"

  
john's voice pierces the silence sharper than any knife could. gabe sighs and stares down at his hands. it was hard to answer a question that you didn't know the answer to.  
"i don't really know," his tone was soft as he spoke, "but i think i'm in love with you?" he looks over at john again. john nodded and bit down on his bottom lip gently.

  
"yeah," was all he said in reply. gabe didn't really expect much else out of him.

  
the deafening silence was back again. both of them were too afraid to speak a word in this very moment, as if a single syllable would shatter the glass ceiling they'd been treading so lightly on.

  
"y'know i'm gonna miss you." john said as he absentmindedly ran the fabric of cheap walmart sheets between his fingers.

  
_then why leave?_ gabe thought to himself quietly.

  
then the bed was dipping underneath them as john scoot back until he was sitting against the headboard. gabe watched him with an unmoving expression. john pat his lap, inviting the other to come sit on him. he crawled over to john and carefully settled himself between his john's crossed legs. their faces were mere inches apart now, and gabe could smell the stale whiskey breath from here.

  
"i can't tell you i love you," john whispered as he planted soft kisses along gabe's jaw, "but i can tell you that i'll never forget you, gabe."

  
"and i'll never forget you," gabe's voice was calm and steady even considering the situation. he shivered as  john kissed down his neck and he moved his arms up to card his bony fingers through the other's hair. john kissed his way back up until their lips were brushing. gabe closed the gap between them and moved his mouth against john's own. his lips parted and he felt the younger's tongue slide into his dry mouth, the taste of alcohol and old toothpaste washing over him. they formed a gentle rhthym in the kiss. it wasn't rough or intense- it was a slow and passionate hymn they could sing until their lungs gave out. after awhile they pulled back, a thin trail of saliva connecting their reddened lips as gabe leaned his forehead against john's. time seemed irrelevant in this very moment and only when john felt a wetness drip onto his leg did he dare to look gabe in the eyes.

  
"gabe-" john's voice hitched and he moved his hand to cup the older's cheek, brushing a tear away with his thumb, "gabe, god damnit, please-" he took a shaking breath, holding back his own tears, "please don't cry."

  
gabe just laughed softly and stared into the endless forest that hid itself in john's iris'.

  
"just- just don't worry about me, alright?" gabe's voice was trembling and john wiped another tear away as it steamed down his cheek, "i'll be fine, john. you told me not to get attachted to you- it's my fault this is happening. just know that i'll be okay."

  
john didn't believe a word of it but he nodded and planted a kiss to gabe's forehead.  
he looked over at the alarm clock on the bedside table.

  
 it was getting late.

  
"i should get going," john spoke so quietly.

  
gabe climbed off of him and sat himself back down at the edge of the bed. he watched john pull his shirt on with heavy eyes damp with tears.

  
john said a small goodbye.

  
gabe told him he loved him one last time.

  
john walked out the door without another word.


End file.
